Friday, September 18, 2009

Understanding Me More And More


WOW what a week work and meetings 55 hours in 4 ready for my days off now!! Cannot believe I have made it through, I tell ya Thursday with no sleep got up at 2pm on Wednesday afternoon and went to work at 5:30 that night stayed there until 7am working and then got on a bus to Norman at 7:15 and going to Norman for a meeting and then casino hopping and Remington park anyway didn't get back home until 10:00 Thursday night, I thought I was going to die...But 27 in a half hours on the clock...pretty cool....

Tonight we are going out with friends and should be another fun night I am excited drinking, Texas hold em dinner out and spending time with friends, whats not to love....Then tomorrow Sean and I are going to a concert....just spending time together is sooo wonderful, doesn't matter what we do!

This week in the food category, i haven't done well at all...and I know Sean will say it is excuses, but really I have been to busy to eat, and I am not hungry...but I know if I would eat better it would get my metabolism up and I would loose weight faster, and I say it everyday, but here I am again with hardly any calories consumed and the day almost over....but I just don't feel if I'm not hungry, that I should eat, I m not afraid I m going to overeat, I don't eat enough and then I stock up on the caffeine, which causes the water weight and the bloating....which is what I seem to be going through right now, I know what to do, its just the doing it, that seems to get me every time...

The exercise department this week has been very good, i have ran my butt off, and go up and down the stairs at work on purpose...just to get some exercise in, but since I have been sick, it is harder to catch my breath and go up and down them stairs without getting out of breath and then coughing like I am dying....Hut overall it has been a great week and very productive, except, I haven't gotten a chance to weigh yet, but I am going in the morning and I will let you know...i just feel I haven't lost any, don't see or feel any different in my jean size or anything else so I have been dreading it, and I am pretty sure I am still not into the oneders....Which is really getting me a little discouraged...Just have to remember..

But sometimes that is easier said then done...ya know? Sometimes I feel the world is on my shoulders and so much pressure to get where I want to be once and for all.....STRESS can be a very made thing and I try not to let it control me....

Sean doesn't think I worry about anything...but quit the contrary...I worry about everything!!!
So I spend less time thinking about me...I need to make the focus on me eating patterns and what is good and what is bad about them..... I cannot say I have never over eaten, but I can say I don't like to, and so I think I have tricked my brain into thinking I am never hungry, which in turn has lowered my metabolism, I was loosing weight every two weeks, and feeling it, now I'm not feeling it so i haven't weighed in, I just need to go weigh and get it out of the way, and see where I am so I can keep on going, its the not knowing that is killing me.....but its like my brain keeps saying.....
I just have to remember to eat and not say no to food all the time, sometimes I am so full from all the liquid I drink...A.K.A. caffeine, that I don't feel I have any room for the food....and that is the wrong approach, because I cannot have a fire in the wood burning stove, if I never put anything in there to fuel it...
Cannot live on grass alone right? So I have to stop saying No to food its not helping me lose weight by not have to eat to lose and I so know this, so why can't I just do that? Instead this is what my brain says...

Why can't I make it say......

So this next two weeks after I weigh tomorrow, I am really going to get with the program on eating better, and that is going to include eating at least three times a day without going over the 500 calories per meal and having a snack or two throughout the day.....Like Sean keeps telling me to do, and like I know I have to do, I have reached a hard struggle here my friends not a road block but a hurdle to get below where I haven't been since high school, mind you I don't know what I weigh right now, but I know I'm not below where I am trying to me as my first motivation and that was into the onders below two hundred...60lbs to go and I will be where I want to be, it doesn't seem like much to me, considering how far I have come....So I am going to get on those scales tomorrow and tell you whatever it is, hope I have maintained at least and no matter what I am going to tell myself.......

SOOOOOOO anyway...I will keep you posted....

Cheers to new beginnings,


  1. I know you worry too baby! I love you darling! There isn't anything I can say that you don't already know about the eating habits of this process. You're a success and you'll continue being a success---So put on a smile and be happy baby--over 140 pounds lost!! I'm so proud of you girl!
    i look forward to going to your weigh in tomorrow

    love Sean

  2. Hi Irene. I'm sure the scale will be better than you think tomorrow - as long as you get a good nights sleep first. Tiredness often causes water retention so that may be why you don't feel like you've lost any weight.

    Hope you have a great time this evening. Sounds fun!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  3. Hi Gorgeous

    Weigh in I think you will be surprised.
    I am sorry you are trying to climb this stupid weight hurdle, you can do it

    Being sick also brings water weigh
    sounds like you need to
    Sleep a bit more
    Stress a bit less
    Cut coffee down a touch
    Eat more

    You know as well as I do that you won't be over eating if you stick to your calories
    If you don't eat enough you wont be able to enjoy life as you will be too tired
    Sometimes as we lose weight we cut the eating right back.
    Will you eat in your calories today for ME ???? Please :P

    As for not knowing your weight right now say it is killing you
    Well NOT JUST YOU HONEY... I am dying over here on the other side of the country,
    I am ready to sell a child to pay for the ticket to fly over there and weigh you my self ROFL

    I will be waiting matter what the result you would have done a great job WTG

  4. Sorry you are all in your head about this right now, but you will get to your goal soon enough.

  5. Good luck tomorrow, whatever the scale says don't let it get to you. I'm right there with you trying to get into onderland, I missed it but less than a lb but I know I will get there just like you will, be it tomorrow or next week. Hang in there and have a wonderful time tonight with Sean and your friends and just enjoy yourself because really that's what this is all about, living and enjoying our lives. *hugs*

  6. I'm on the edge of my seat here! Just weigh and get it out of the way. You are burning way to much energy on the weigh. I am getting winded up just reading it. Perspective. What ever the scale says it ain't going to matter ten years from now. It is just a point on the journey.

    I'm with you on the caffine. I adore my coffee! Maybe you should eat a bit more? It's almost like the reverse now from eating too much to now too little? Food is still in control. Ask your hubby to share one of the fried oreos!

    Like I said on your husbands blog I pray that you find inner peace first... then deal with the whole weight thing, then it's more in perspective. Then the scale will be more in scale.

    Lately I've been playing the game where I wait until just after midnight to get another snack in before bed... because technically that's the next days calories. Silly huh?

    The old master says until we become masters of our food, food will be our master.

    Yeah, Im on a zen kick... The zen way would be not to worry about the scale, or the hunger, or the food.

    I still want my chimichunga at 12:01... guess I failed at the zen thing?

    At Foolsfitness it's all about the chimichungas!- Alan

  7. Hope you got a good nights sleep Irene, your work pattern must play havoc with your metabolism. I hope you can get back on qa more even keel this week and you get the eating sorted:)



  8. I think the long hours you work must make it very difficult to stick to a regular eating pattern, which would help. Not only that but the lack of sleep too.

    Hope you get a good rest this weekend and feel better soon. Good luck with weigh-in!

  9. I just want to give you a big HUG. start eating more-- you will probably gain some weight, but remind yourself it is TEMPORARY. as soon as you provide enough fuel to stoke your metabolism, your exercise will be more productive, you should naturally have more energy (not eating enough, combined with your schedule, is making you tired), you should see faster losses.

    I'm rooting for you, and will check back in tomorrow!!

  10. I hope you see numbers you like on your weigh in today! But if not, just keep this in mind, I think you look FABULOUS!! So just keep doing whatever it is that you are doing, because you are obviously doing it all right.

    x's and o's