FEAR?

Well friends,

We had an AWESOME weekend....Frontier City, and just great family time...Letting go of all we have had hangups about, felt so wonderful...scary at first...lol but wonderful in the end, I guess that can be said about anything though, isn't it always scary in the beginning to let go, or to try something new...

I was scared when I was a kid, that my grandparents would pass away before I was 18. They had plans in case this happened and those scared me. Scared they would never see me grow up, let alone see y girls at all. When I met Sean I was scared, when he said he thought we should marry, I was scared again...I know when I found out I was pregnant the first time with Amber I was scared to death and then when I held her.
Again scared to death and when she was growing, scared to death trying to protect her from everything, I was scared when my grandparents went to the nursing home, scared when they passed away, I was scared when I found out I was pregnant with the second one, Courtney I was scared again, it was a hard birth and we both could have died. That is for real she was breech and I had to have her feet first with not a drug one for the pain,they made Sean leave the room..I have been scared most of my life about everything and all things. It is normal to be afraid or to fear the unknown, and well if you have other excuses it is easy to just not know...

I have been afraid of roller coasters and most heights all my life, I mean yes, i used to climb trees and jump from the branches to another branch, and yes I got up on the roof of the house and sun bathed, and jumped to trees from there too...But a roof and a creaky Ferris wheel that sways in the wind are two very different things....I have always thought if I could just let go of some of the things I fear and get me down on a regular basis I could live the life I was always meant to live...does that sound stupid?
Well I believe there is a lot of firsts, new things, and things I will be afraid of to come, and just like the ride on those rides, I will strap in, maybe close my eyes at first and just plunge ahead with no fear, what ever happens...Like Sean said, It will be over soon, hang on, and just remember your not going to die..so that is how from now on I will face all my fears....jump on,strap in, hold on, , and close my eyes at first, but open them in time to enjoy the ride.....

Well on another note....I lost 7 lbs in a week well that is the last time I weighed one week ago, but as discussed before, it was probably the whole bottle of rum I drank and the fact that I was bloated...but now I am 208 and the oneders is looking not far in the distant again...So I am so excited about this...not that I doubted, just a sit back ya know...

My sister is getting out of the hospital tomorrow and I will keep you posted on the other thing about her...and I just want to thank everyone for keeping her in your prayers and the support you have given me for this is incredible...I just want to thank you all soooo very much!!! It means so much to me...Thank you again!!

Leaving you with a few of my favorites from frontier city.......

OUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY


COURTNEY AND ME

AMBEE GIRL AND ME


OUR GIRLS HAVING FUN!!



SEAN AND ME...LOOK AT US NOW BABY!!


we had a great time....thanks for reading!!


Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

FEAR?

Well friends,
We had an AWESOME weekend....Frontier City, and just great family time...Letting go of all we have had hangups about, felt so wonderful...scary at first...lol but wonderful in the end, I guess that can be said about anything though, isn't it always scary in the beginning to let go, or to try something new...I was scared when I was a kid, that my grandparents would pass away before I was 18. They had plans in case this happened and those scared me. Scared they would never see me grow up, let alone see y girls at all. When I met Sean I was scared, when he said he thought we should marry, I was scared again...I know when I found out I was pregnant the first time with Amber I was scared to death and then when I held her. Again scared to death and when she was growing, scared to death trying to protect her from everything, I was scared when my grandparents went to the nursing home, scared when they passed away, I was scared when I found out I was pregnant with the second one, Courtney I was scared again, it was a hard birth and we both could have died. That is for real she was breech and I had to have her feet first with not a drug one for the pain, Sean had to leave the room..I have been scared most of my life about everything and all things. It is normal to be afraid or to fear the unknown, and well if you have other excuses it is easy to just not know...
I have been afraid of roller coasters and most heights all my life, I mean yes, i used to climb trees and jump from the branches to another branch, and yes I got up on the roof of the house and sun bathed, and jumped to trees from there too...But a roof and a creaky Ferris wheel that sways in the wind are two very different things....I have always thought if I could just let go of some of the things I fear and get me down on a regular basis I could live the life I was always meant to live...does that sound stupid? Well I believe there is a lot of firsts, new things, and things I will be afraid of to come, and just like the ride on those rides, I will strap in, maybe close my eyes at first and just plunge ahead with no fear, what ever happens...Like Sean said, It will be over soon, hang on, and just remember your not going to die..so that is how from now on I will face all my fears....jump on,strap in, hold on, , and close my eyes at first, but open them in time to enjoy the ride.....
Well on another note....I lost 7 lbs in a week well that is the last time I weighed one week ago, but as discussed before, it was probably the whole bottle of rum I drank and the fact that I was bloated...but now I am 208 and the oneders is looking not far in the distant again...So I am so excited about this...not that I doubted, just a sit back ya know...
My sister is getting out of the hospital tomorrow and I will keep you posted on the other thing about her...and I just want to thank everyone for keeping her in your prayers and the support you have given me for this is incredible...I just want to thank you all soooo very much!!! It means so much to me...Thank you again!!

Leaving you with a few of my favorites from frontier city.......

OUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY


COURTNEY AND ME

AMBEE GIRL AND ME


OUR GIRLS HAVING FUN!!



SEAN AND ME...LOOK AT US NOW BABY!!


we had a great time....thanks for reading!!


Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

Prayer Needed....Please

Thank God it's Friday....

And I don't think I have ever meant it more...such a hard week for me...emotional and physical draining without a doubt the hardest in a while...Work was hard this week, a lot of choices and a lot of stress, but it all comes with the territory of being the manager of a lot of people, it usually isn't as bad as this week has been, and not even a weekend, I can only imagine...
Tonight I am sad and I even went and hung out with some friends, but this black cloud over me will not be shaken, sometimes it is this that just makes people throw in the towel and try to disappear for awhile...Get another job or just pack up and move far far away...My week as crappy as it was, wasn't even close to the news I got last night....


This is what this whole post is about....


MY SISSY AND ME

Let me start at the beginning as you know from another post my sister suffers from tumors on her thyroid...Well yesterday she went in for surgery to have those removed and even her thyroid if she had to..well her surgery went great and they didn't have to even take all her thyroid out, they left part of it, which just means she doesn't have to be on the strongest strength of the synthoid medicine. The surgery lasted over 5 hours, but it was a success...which we are all very relieved about!!!

The other part and the reason for all the talk about my sis, is this week she has been having headaches and vision problems she is 36 and a mother of 4...she is a strong woman and stubbornly strong willed, she has had this condition before a couple of years ago and they were able to treat it with medicine...okay I am getting ahead of myself...she went to the doctor last week for these symptoms and when she told him of her pain he immediately ordered an emergency CT and MRI...well she called me at work when she had the results from these tests....and I was not prepared to hear her tell me her brain is swollen she has a cyst on her brain...a tumor...she is getting rid of the ones in her throat on her thyroid and now....she has at least one on her brain....Is this what caused the swelling of her brain, the fluid on her brain is doing what they call “washing” her brain. She cannot see anything and she has such bad headaches that the surgery she had yesterday, she wasn't even worried about, she just wanted morphine, to make the headaches stop for awhile...when she had the swelling and fluid on her brain before, they never did a CT or MRI so who knows if last year this cyst was there then...

I just had to write this...this is bothering me so much and I cannot even think... My buddy has been so wonderful,I love him so mucn...he is always trying to find the positive in everything, and I do too, but cannot help thinking the worst and worrying about EVERYTHING...Please keep her in your prayers, she has another appointment on the 7th...and she is on medicine for the swelling and pressure of her brain...so hopefully that will get better so she can at least function....She went to the doctor on Tuesday and wanted to go to work on Wednesday and surgery on Thursday i took her to work but they sent her home...Which I told her they would....but the fact that she went as bad as she is doing and feeling says a lot for my sissy...




Thank you all for listening and for your support....It is so appreciated and thank you for praying for my sister...

cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

Change

Wow what a busy fun filled weekend....we had a blast with each other friends and concert, it was a lot of fun!! I didn't weigh when I said, but I did finally did today, and i was disappointed with myself, i have a 5lb gain since I last weighed, I weighed 210 and today the results....were 215,Sean baby was very supportive and even changed the scale from lbs to kgs so I would laugh about it, it was very funny, he always has a way to cheer me up, one way or another...i want to be small enough for him to carry when he is strong enough to do it, and so I really gotta get busy!! To my defense I did have an amazing weekend and did consume a lot of alcohol so therefore I am bloated and was probably not a perfect day to weigh in considering all that is wrong with me currently including a whole bottle of rum :-) I know, how stupid was that...but I don't get to drink very often and when I had the opportunity I indulged WAY to much!!!

So I plan to weigh again in a few days, for a more accurate reading, just not convinced this is true...so we will see, but either way its okay just time for a change!!


Got to get better on the move department and the eating more so I can raise my metabolism off the floor full charge ahead and gonna get this done....once and for all.



Thank you for all the comments and the inspiration and the faith you have in me, because of you I know I can do this and I am not giving this up, the time is now.....just watch the change in me....

Cheers to new beginnings.....
Irene

Understanding Me More And More

Hello,

WOW what a week work and meetings 55 hours in 4 days...so ready for my days off now!! Cannot believe I have made it through, I tell ya Thursday with no sleep got up at 2pm on Wednesday afternoon and went to work at 5:30 that night stayed there until 7am working and then got on a bus to Norman at 7:15 and going to Norman for a meeting and then casino hopping and Remington park anyway didn't get back home until 10:00 Thursday night, I thought I was going to die...But 27 in a half hours on the clock...pretty cool....

Tonight we are going out with friends and should be another fun night I am excited drinking, Texas hold em dinner out and spending time with friends, whats not to love....Then tomorrow Sean and I are going to a concert....just spending time together is sooo wonderful, doesn't matter what we do!

This week in the food category, i haven't done well at all...and I know Sean will say it is excuses, but really I have been to busy to eat, and I am not hungry...but I know if I would eat better it would get my metabolism up and I would loose weight faster, and I say it everyday, but here I am again with hardly any calories consumed and the day almost over....but I just don't feel if I'm not hungry, that I should eat, I m not afraid I m going to overeat, I don't eat enough and then I stock up on the caffeine, which causes the water weight and the bloating....which is what I seem to be going through right now, I know what to do, its just the doing it, that seems to get me every time...


The exercise department this week has been very good, i have ran my butt off, and go up and down the stairs at work on purpose...just to get some exercise in, but since I have been sick, it is harder to catch my breath and go up and down them stairs without getting out of breath and then coughing like I am dying....Hut overall it has been a great week and very productive, except, I haven't gotten a chance to weigh yet, but I am going in the morning and I will let you know...i just feel I haven't lost any, don't see or feel any different in my jean size or anything else so I have been dreading it, and I am pretty sure I am still not into the oneders....Which is really getting me a little discouraged...Just have to remember..


But sometimes that is easier said then done...ya know? Sometimes I feel the world is on my shoulders and so much pressure to get where I want to be once and for all.....STRESS can be a very made thing and I try not to let it control me....


Sean doesn't think I worry about anything...but quit the contrary...I worry about everything!!!
So I spend less time thinking about me...I need to make the focus on me more...my eating patterns and what is good and what is bad about them..... I cannot say I have never over eaten, but I can say I don't like to, and so I think I have tricked my brain into thinking I am never hungry, which in turn has lowered my metabolism, I was loosing weight every two weeks, and feeling it, now I'm not feeling it so i haven't weighed in, I just need to go weigh and get it out of the way, and see where I am so I can keep on going, its the not knowing that is killing me.....but its like my brain keeps saying.....



I just have to remember to eat and not say no to food all the time, sometimes I am so full from all the liquid I drink...A.K.A. caffeine, that I don't feel I have any room for the food....and that is the wrong approach, because I cannot have a fire in the wood burning stove, if I never put anything in there to fuel it...

Cannot live on grass alone right? So I have to stop saying No to food its not helping me lose weight by not eating....you have to eat to lose and I so know this, so why can't I just do that? Instead this is what my brain says...
.

Why can't I make it say......




So this next two weeks after I weigh tomorrow, I am really going to get with the program on eating better, and that is going to include eating at least three times a day without going over the 500 calories per meal and having a snack or two throughout the day.....Like Sean keeps telling me to do, and like I know I have to do, I have reached a hard struggle here my friends not a road block but a hurdle to get below where I haven't been since high school, mind you I don't know what I weigh right now, but I know I'm not below where I am trying to me as my first motivation and that was into the onders below two hundred...60lbs to go and I will be where I want to be, it doesn't seem like much to me, considering how far I have come....So I am going to get on those scales tomorrow and tell you whatever it is, hope I have maintained at least and no matter what I am going to tell myself.......


SOOOOOOO anyway...I will keep you posted....

Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

365

Hello again friends,

As most of you know we are celebrating Sean's transformation in just a year he has lost 212 lbs yes that is right.........365 days he has totally transformed himself into a different person....



So this Post is all about HIM, My Buddy My Hubby, My Guy, My Best friend

365 Reasons not to QUIT: Things Sean has Taught us

1.Be a lead in a play
2.Ride on a roller coaster
3.Walk a 10K
4.Sit in a booth
5.Try out Wicker
6.Patio furniture
7.Ride a horse
8.Sit in a sports car
9.Drive a sports car
10.Jog
11.Run
12.Smile Big
13.Endurance
14.Do sit ups
15.Push ups
16.Dance
17.Shake it (Less of It)
18.Ride a bike
19.Sit in a Air plane seat
20.Porch swing
21.I can put my arms around him
22.Sleep without a machine
23.Don't have to wrap his leg everyday
24.Touch toes
25.Swim
26.Dive
27.Play with the girls
28.Teeter totter
29.Baseball
30.Foot ball
31.Skate
32.Racquetball
33.Weights
34.Tricycle
35.Water Park
36.Tire swing
37.Water boat
38.Water skies
39.Skiing
40.Jumping
41.Jump Rope
42.Get healthy
43.Love
44.High blood Pressure
45.Diabetic
46.Heart attack
47.Jet ski
48.Bungee Jumping
49.Outgoing
50.Picnics
51.Dropping a size
52.How about dropping 22 of them
53.Shopping
54.Clothes that fit
55.Clothes that look good
56.Reactions
57.WOWS
58.No worries
59.Comfort
60.Eating to lose
61.Hope
62.Faith
63.Goals
64.Believing
65.Prayer
66.Confidence
67.Motivation
68.Iron curtain
69.Calorie bank
70.Inspiration
71.180
72.Mind over matter
73.Letter to Obesity
74.Obese
75.Hurt
76.Pain
77.Learning
78.Loving yourself
79.Forgiving
80.Moving on
81.Self esteem
82.Praise
83.Unforgettable
84.Cravings
85.Food
86.Courage
87.No fear
88.Better life
89.Happier
90.Healthier
91.Zone
92.Mind over matter
93.Cassette tapes
94.Achieve
95.Dream
96.Transformation
97.Indulge
98.Simplify
99.1500 calories
100.Ice cream
101.Steel curtain zone
102.Transform mind
103.Focus
104.Determination
105.Goals
106.Achieve
107.Strength
108.No fear
109.Joys
110.Smell the flowers
111.Feel good
112.Hop
113.Skip
114.You can do it
115.Freedom
116.Convey
117.Laugh
118.Cry
119.Changes
120.Insecurities
121.“PLAN”
122.Booth Freedom
123.Mix Tape
124.Mental hangup
125.My Kryptonite
126.Support System
127.Decisions
128.Investment
129.Time management
130.Encouragement
131.Choices
132.Life
133.Mentor
134.Struggles
135.It gets easier
136.Easy
137.Pitas
138.Pizza
139.Egg whites
140.Future
141.Decide
142.Conquer
143.Family
144.A Year
145.365 days
146.Alive
147.Derail
148.It gets better
149.Weigh in
150.Choose
151.Lose
152.Diary
153.Accountability
154.Awareness
155.Guilt
156.Patience
157.Grip
158.Stride
159.CONSISTENCY
160.CONSISTENCY
161.CONSISTENCY
162.Loyal
163.Commitment
164.Integrity
165.Food
166.Scales
167.Fast Food
168.Wants
169.Desires
170.Journey

And there is so many more things I havent mentioned....






365


WOW...He has lost 212 lbs in 365 days...that is the weight of THIS....


DO YOU REALIZE THAT IS 42 BAGS OF 5LB BAGS OF POTATOES?





LOOK AT HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME BABY!!
SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!

Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene
...

A Promise To Me

Hello friends,


I am dedicating this post to me...The inner me, that has tried to come out for sooo long, and this is a promise to myself, to let me live and once and for all let me see me......




A PROMISE TO ME

I promise never to cause you any more problems, but be a part of your solution.
I promise you a life of serenity, like that of still water;
never causing turbulence, but erasing all your tension's
I shall be a good listener, whenever you need to talk;
I shall be beside you, moving step by step, with your walk.

My love for you if seen in a mirror, shall be devoid of conceit or contemplation; the image shall be pure and honest, reflecting my most noble intention of giving you love, without any strings attached;
of the greatest kind of happiness, that can never be matched.

I promise to appreciate your ideas, to learn your little ways
and to adapt to your outlook on life as time passes by, with beautiful days!

I admire your strong points, your strength, your every ability; so also, I promise to accept your weaknesses, which, I feel, you haven't got any.

My heart promises to fill your life with fragrance, like that of the fresh flower with dew;
it promises to hold you within forever, for it loves you more than you ever knew.

It vows to love you more and more, to explore the wonderful person within you,
your wishes, your wants, desires and dreams whether they be more or few.

I will be there beside you, anytime that you need me;
just as I am important to myself, equally important, for me, you shall be.

You are, for me, a beautiful dream, more precious than silver or gold;
you are that star of the sky, which my eyes will always behold.

I shall wipe your tears, holding you tight in my arm;
so that none in this wicked world, can cause you any harm.

I shall never ask you to change because your self-respect is what I admire;
but I will gladly change myself, if ever so, you desire.

I shall grow with you, gradually, but promise to give you space if you so need
I will never go away, you can always call on me

I will passionately love you and will genuinely care;
it is not just your joys, but your blues, too, that I will share.

You have taught me what it is to believe and have faith,
on these grounds, then, I make a promise strong;
that with my love, nothing will ever go wrong.



  
Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

No fear

Hello friends,

I have missed you all once again...I have got to get this schedule organized more so I have more time to post, read, and comment...This week of work was good but very long. I have had a good time with it though have been going up and down the stairs a lot to get my exercise in, sometimes I feel like I'm just not getting enough. Still haven't weighed yet, think I am going to save it for Wednesday when Sean and Courtney go to weigh next, after all it is just a number, but I sure hope I have lost some numbers...want to be below two hundred sooo bad!!

Sean and I enjoyed a play today it was very good, and just loved spending some time together. Been working on his lines, it is so fun to watch and listen to him get into character, he is going to be great! Didn't get to meet his play wifey, but I guess I will soon, something must have come up...But we sure did have a great night!!

He will be going to the OSU game again this weekend with a friend and I hope they have a great time...I will get some housework done that needs it in a bad way and spend some time with Courtney, maybe her and I can go to the gym and get some good exercise in...

I have been doing the 1500 calories and exercise this whole journey, I have had a lot of changes in my body, but mainly in my mind..I have to tell myself a few things along the way....




WEIGHT LOSS....THERE IS A LOT OF ROAD ON THIS...BUT WE CAN GET IT TRAVELED...

THE FIRST THING IS TO ALWAYS KEEP IT SIMPLE.....THAT IS SIMPLY HOW ITS DONE...

EASY DOES IT!! ONE DAY AT A TIME

STAY FOCUSED FOCUS ON YOUR DREAMS ON WHAT YOU WANT AND GO GET THEM..FOCUS ON THE DAY TO DAY AND IF YOU DID IT YESTERDAY, WELL YOU CAN DO IT TODAY TOO!!

HAVE NO FEAR...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!


GOT TO HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF...

BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS AND KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN...

KEEP HOPE ALIVE AND DWELL THERE...DONT EVER DOUBT YOURSELF...

DREAM BIG AND FOLLOW THEM ALL THE WAY....

IF YOU DO ALL OF THESE...YOU WILL REACH YOUR GOAL!!

Cheers to new beginnings,
irene