Prayers Answered and Awards

Friends....

It has been forever...I have missed you all soooo much!! Well work has calmed down some and I am still doing the 12's but they seem to be getting easier, if that makes any sense...

Want to thank all of you for all the kind words, prayers and emails about my sissy, she is doing better, and they are pretty sure once the swelling goes down in her head, she will regain her eyesight. She has some now, and they say it will just continue to improve, so that is very great news!! Differently an answer to prayer...the chemo she starts in the next few weeks will kill all those cancer cells, it is 100% effective so that will take care of the thyroid cancer, as for the brain tumor still inactive and they really aren't saying much about that right now, there are other things to take care of first and the chemo only goes after the thyroid cancer, so we don't know about the other yet...But still wonderful news from where we were before...Thank you all so very much!!

While I was away I received some awards and just want to say thank you for those...Sandy and doc have left me an "Over the top" blog award



1. Where is your cell phone? Charger

2. Your hair? Dark

3. Your mother? Left

4. Your father? Left

5. Your favorite food? Steak

6. Your dream last night? None

7. Your favorite drink? Coffee

8. Your dream/goal? Fit

9. What room are you in? Kitchen

10. Your hobby? Writing

11. Your fear? Leaving

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Alive

13. Where were you last night? Play

14. Something that you aren’t? Shy

15. Muffins? Blueberry

16. Wish list item? Socks

17. Where did you grow up? Stillwater

18. Last thing you did? Snuggle

19. What are you wearing? Shirt

20. Your TV? Off

21. Your pets? Scooby

22. Friends? Heartwarming

23. Your life? Progressing

24. Your mood? Improving

25. Missing someone? Often

26. Vehicle? Taurus

27. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes

28. Your favorite store? Catos

29. Your favorite color? Navy

30. When was the last time you laughed? Now

31. Last time you cried? Friday

32. Your best friend? Hubby

33. One place that I go to over and over? Work

34. One person who emails me regularly? Friends

35. Favorite place to eat? Outback


Your Blog Is the Over the Top
I pass the award onto these folks who are fairly new to my reading list--but all more popular than me! I still love many others (you know who you are!)
1.Jack-Jacksh*t getting fit
2.Kari- Fat(free)me
3.Dawn- bbubblyb
4.Lynn-Actual scale
5.MB
6.266


I also received an Honest Scrap Award so I will try to list 10 things about myself that know one knows, Sean has told a lot so this may be hard...but I will try....




1.When something needs to be done, I take charge, I don't like waiting until the last minute to get things done. I would rather have it done then relax, as to wait and dread about it the whole time. The longer you procrastinate the longer the torture, get it done and be done...

2.Both of my parents left me, and I was raised and then adopted by my grandparents who really weren't actually my biological grandparents, but loved and cared for me just the same, they are both gone now both died at the age of 84 when our girls were young in fact, Courtney doesn't even remember them, and Amber hardly does. That is sad to me cause they were the greatest people I have ever known...But because my parents both left me and I always feared my grandparents leaving me too, because they were in their mid 60's when I was born. I have a fear of being alone and being left. Losing someone I hold dear, or people leaving me.

3.I had a great up bringing with my grandparents went to church every Sunday sang in the choir, sang at every revival and did plays every play we did. Went to church camp and Loved to play softball, I was the pitcher and got money from grandpa every home run I hit, Grand slams were more...lol We had a huge garden that we took care of all summer long, sometimes all day long, we in a since had two, cause when my uncle Emmit died aunt Minnie needed help with hers, and hers was as big as ours, if not bigger. I would eat her strawberries and blackberries which we did not have in ours, and i would get into trouble, cause they Knew by my face I had eaten them...I would have to go for the two things that stain more than any other....

4.Even though grandpa was well into his 70's when i was playing softball, he still practiced with me everyday and made a tire so I could pitch into it, as long as it went through the middle of that tire, it would be a strike every time. It made me good, better then good, it made me one of the best. I was asked to play for the high school team and if I would have been allowed to I know I would have went far probably scholarships and everything. I wasn't allowed to though because we had away games and grandpa and grandma didn't feel comfortable with letting me go. Which I didn't understand then, but i do understand now. Who knows where my life would have been if they would had let me do that one thing, it would have changed it all around. It was a true love though and I was good at it, so I wasn't happy with them telling me no.

5.It is hard for me to hurt someone else's feelings, and I am always cautious about doing so. This is one of my greatest regrets I will share with you...well you know I was adopted and I could never call my grandparents Mom and Dad this hurt my grandmas feelings so bad, and to this day I don't know why I never did, the only thing I can come up with is that I wasn't officially adopted until I was eleven and by then, I was so used to calling them grandma and grandpa, plus the dad that I thought was my dad, was still around the house, their son and i didn't want to hurt his feelings, and then my mom would come to visit with my seven full blood sisters and brothers and she wanted to be called mom, my sisters and brothers all called her mom so I didn't want to hurt any of their feelings, but I hurt the two people who most cared for me and that i cared the most about....How odd is that? I know, I don't understand it either....

6.I saved my sister JoEllens's life three times. No I am for real...The first time was when she was meeting a friend half way between our house and the friends and I can still see her standing there, she was about 6 and i was seven, her long curly hair blowing in the breeze, I was in our back yard playing and she was a few houses down at the neighbors drive standing there on the gravel waiting for her friend. It was the Westmorlins property and they were gone for the summer to California. I was playing when i seen a yellow firebird pull up beside her. Thought at first he was just asking for directions, until he got out of his car and was going around to her. I sensed something and started running in her direction yelling mom dad at the top of my lungs, knowing no one was home. I ran so hard and fast I kicked there dog in the head, but i didn't have time to stop I killed it instantly. All the screaming for mom and dad though made the guy look at me and get back in his car and peel out of the little gravel driveway. The next time was at the lake she couldn't swim very well and she was going under and I got her back to safety no one was around just us and grandma and grandpa didn't know how to swim. The next time was when we were coming back from the pool that we went to everyday in the summer and they had closed it for the weather we had to walk home and there was this metal bridge we had to cross and the lightening was intense, we were on the bridge when I out of no where told them all to jump the lightening struck right above our heads and a big tree limb feel down by our feet it was raining so hard and I knew we had to get to shelter so I got us all there and I was only eleven, but I always looked out for my sissy's. I guess there is four times because the next one Jo and I were at a water park and we had went down the slide and landed in the pool of water at the bottom only I didn't see Jo at first, she hadn't come up, then I seen her feet kicking, her head was stuck in the pipe the suction one and it was filling with water and she couldn't get loose cause the suction was holding her there. I immediately went and found someone, cause again no one saw her but me. They cane and shut it off and we were able to get her out, but they said to me any longer and that could have been real bad. Shortly after that the park closed down again I was only seven.

7.I had touched on the fact that Sean had to leave the room with our youngest child. Not by choice but they made him leave. Courtney was breech and they tried to do an emergency c-section but the doctor who was on call wouldn't answer his page so I had to have her feet first without any thing not even Tylenol and they made me sign a paper that if anything happened to her or me then they were not liable. I don't think before that day him or I prayed so much in our entire lives. We got through it and mom and baby were fine. But made it where I never wanted anymore Sean did he wanted a boy and we tried, but we weren't able to so we gave up.

8.I love to write, Sean and I have actually written many things we have written songs and a screen play, we have so many ideas for so many things...I don't know if you have heard of the T.V. show Medium, but I wrote it, like a year or two before it came out it wasn't called Medium, but it was the same principle..If I had nothing else to do I would just write.

9.Sean asked me to marry him by saying that his grandma said we were already
spending so much time together we should just make it legal and right in god's eyes. I said okay I guess, and here we are. I never got an engagement ring, we didn't even have our own wedding bands we borrowed my grandparents after all they were married 62 years so they were perfect. It wasn't until years later we got some of our very own.

10.The last one and the biggest, well I told you we were married young and we were married in a church, but not the kind of wedding you always dream of when you are growing up. Since I was raised by my grandparents and they believed strongly that you only wear white if you are pure and since I wasn't I had a pink J.C. Penny' s dress and Sean was dressed in a plaid shirt and maroon pants, a wedding from the 1800's is what we looked like. Someday I want an actual wedding in a REAL wedding dress and white with my colors and all. Sean in a tux and the only bad thing is my grandpa wont be giving me away again....I have always wanted a real wedding, maybe when we renew our vows...wink wink...I hope its soon!!


Well there you go some things you didn't know about me, and maybe some things you didn't want to or care to know...but there it is......

Boy I made this long....lol

Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

Still Alive and kicking

Friends....

Thank you so very much for all the comments, prayers, emails, thoughts and consideration that you have given Sean and I in this very dark few weeks of my life. I am very blessed to have all of my family and friends praying for my sister...I have been so busy with her and Dr.'s and now starting 12's again, I don't know which way is up...

But I just wanted you all to know that I deeply and sincerely appreciate all the out pours of comfort and prayer...prayer is what is going to get her through this, and it will be the only thing...We go to the doctor again tomorrow, well your today, to get the results of all the tests she had last week, about the cancer and how far it has gone. The eye surgery went well, but still to early to tell with the water on her brain still and it being swollen worse then it was when she went in the first time...and then the 7th and 8th she has more appt. to re check her eyes and decide what to do from there, and her brain tumor at the moment is inactive, so that is good news for now...bless her heart, just all these things at once and she is handeling things better then me...

Again friends thank you so much for taking the time to read what I have to say, and for keeping my sis in your prayers...we need all we can get in the prayer department...Hopefully I will have better news to give in a day or two...God does work...and I do believe he will here!!

Thank You

cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

FEAR?

Well friends,

We had an AWESOME weekend....Frontier City, and just great family time...Letting go of all we have had hangups about, felt so wonderful...scary at first...lol but wonderful in the end, I guess that can be said about anything though, isn't it always scary in the beginning to let go, or to try something new...

I was scared when I was a kid, that my grandparents would pass away before I was 18. They had plans in case this happened and those scared me. Scared they would never see me grow up, let alone see y girls at all. When I met Sean I was scared, when he said he thought we should marry, I was scared again...I know when I found out I was pregnant the first time with Amber I was scared to death and then when I held her.
Again scared to death and when she was growing, scared to death trying to protect her from everything, I was scared when my grandparents went to the nursing home, scared when they passed away, I was scared when I found out I was pregnant with the second one, Courtney I was scared again, it was a hard birth and we both could have died. That is for real she was breech and I had to have her feet first with not a drug one for the pain,they made Sean leave the room..I have been scared most of my life about everything and all things. It is normal to be afraid or to fear the unknown, and well if you have other excuses it is easy to just not know...

I have been afraid of roller coasters and most heights all my life, I mean yes, i used to climb trees and jump from the branches to another branch, and yes I got up on the roof of the house and sun bathed, and jumped to trees from there too...But a roof and a creaky Ferris wheel that sways in the wind are two very different things....I have always thought if I could just let go of some of the things I fear and get me down on a regular basis I could live the life I was always meant to live...does that sound stupid?
Well I believe there is a lot of firsts, new things, and things I will be afraid of to come, and just like the ride on those rides, I will strap in, maybe close my eyes at first and just plunge ahead with no fear, what ever happens...Like Sean said, It will be over soon, hang on, and just remember your not going to die..so that is how from now on I will face all my fears....jump on,strap in, hold on, , and close my eyes at first, but open them in time to enjoy the ride.....

Well on another note....I lost 7 lbs in a week well that is the last time I weighed one week ago, but as discussed before, it was probably the whole bottle of rum I drank and the fact that I was bloated...but now I am 208 and the oneders is looking not far in the distant again...So I am so excited about this...not that I doubted, just a sit back ya know...

My sister is getting out of the hospital tomorrow and I will keep you posted on the other thing about her...and I just want to thank everyone for keeping her in your prayers and the support you have given me for this is incredible...I just want to thank you all soooo very much!!! It means so much to me...Thank you again!!

Leaving you with a few of my favorites from frontier city.......

OUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY


COURTNEY AND ME

AMBEE GIRL AND ME


OUR GIRLS HAVING FUN!!



SEAN AND ME...LOOK AT US NOW BABY!!


we had a great time....thanks for reading!!


Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

FEAR?

Well friends,
We had an AWESOME weekend....Frontier City, and just great family time...Letting go of all we have had hangups about, felt so wonderful...scary at first...lol but wonderful in the end, I guess that can be said about anything though, isn't it always scary in the beginning to let go, or to try something new...I was scared when I was a kid, that my grandparents would pass away before I was 18. They had plans in case this happened and those scared me. Scared they would never see me grow up, let alone see y girls at all. When I met Sean I was scared, when he said he thought we should marry, I was scared again...I know when I found out I was pregnant the first time with Amber I was scared to death and then when I held her. Again scared to death and when she was growing, scared to death trying to protect her from everything, I was scared when my grandparents went to the nursing home, scared when they passed away, I was scared when I found out I was pregnant with the second one, Courtney I was scared again, it was a hard birth and we both could have died. That is for real she was breech and I had to have her feet first with not a drug one for the pain, Sean had to leave the room..I have been scared most of my life about everything and all things. It is normal to be afraid or to fear the unknown, and well if you have other excuses it is easy to just not know...
I have been afraid of roller coasters and most heights all my life, I mean yes, i used to climb trees and jump from the branches to another branch, and yes I got up on the roof of the house and sun bathed, and jumped to trees from there too...But a roof and a creaky Ferris wheel that sways in the wind are two very different things....I have always thought if I could just let go of some of the things I fear and get me down on a regular basis I could live the life I was always meant to live...does that sound stupid? Well I believe there is a lot of firsts, new things, and things I will be afraid of to come, and just like the ride on those rides, I will strap in, maybe close my eyes at first and just plunge ahead with no fear, what ever happens...Like Sean said, It will be over soon, hang on, and just remember your not going to die..so that is how from now on I will face all my fears....jump on,strap in, hold on, , and close my eyes at first, but open them in time to enjoy the ride.....
Well on another note....I lost 7 lbs in a week well that is the last time I weighed one week ago, but as discussed before, it was probably the whole bottle of rum I drank and the fact that I was bloated...but now I am 208 and the oneders is looking not far in the distant again...So I am so excited about this...not that I doubted, just a sit back ya know...
My sister is getting out of the hospital tomorrow and I will keep you posted on the other thing about her...and I just want to thank everyone for keeping her in your prayers and the support you have given me for this is incredible...I just want to thank you all soooo very much!!! It means so much to me...Thank you again!!

Leaving you with a few of my favorites from frontier city.......

OUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY


COURTNEY AND ME

AMBEE GIRL AND ME


OUR GIRLS HAVING FUN!!



SEAN AND ME...LOOK AT US NOW BABY!!


we had a great time....thanks for reading!!


Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

Prayer Needed....Please

Thank God it's Friday....

And I don't think I have ever meant it more...such a hard week for me...emotional and physical draining without a doubt the hardest in a while...Work was hard this week, a lot of choices and a lot of stress, but it all comes with the territory of being the manager of a lot of people, it usually isn't as bad as this week has been, and not even a weekend, I can only imagine...
Tonight I am sad and I even went and hung out with some friends, but this black cloud over me will not be shaken, sometimes it is this that just makes people throw in the towel and try to disappear for awhile...Get another job or just pack up and move far far away...My week as crappy as it was, wasn't even close to the news I got last night....


This is what this whole post is about....


MY SISSY AND ME

Let me start at the beginning as you know from another post my sister suffers from tumors on her thyroid...Well yesterday she went in for surgery to have those removed and even her thyroid if she had to..well her surgery went great and they didn't have to even take all her thyroid out, they left part of it, which just means she doesn't have to be on the strongest strength of the synthoid medicine. The surgery lasted over 5 hours, but it was a success...which we are all very relieved about!!!

The other part and the reason for all the talk about my sis, is this week she has been having headaches and vision problems she is 36 and a mother of 4...she is a strong woman and stubbornly strong willed, she has had this condition before a couple of years ago and they were able to treat it with medicine...okay I am getting ahead of myself...she went to the doctor last week for these symptoms and when she told him of her pain he immediately ordered an emergency CT and MRI...well she called me at work when she had the results from these tests....and I was not prepared to hear her tell me her brain is swollen she has a cyst on her brain...a tumor...she is getting rid of the ones in her throat on her thyroid and now....she has at least one on her brain....Is this what caused the swelling of her brain, the fluid on her brain is doing what they call “washing” her brain. She cannot see anything and she has such bad headaches that the surgery she had yesterday, she wasn't even worried about, she just wanted morphine, to make the headaches stop for awhile...when she had the swelling and fluid on her brain before, they never did a CT or MRI so who knows if last year this cyst was there then...

I just had to write this...this is bothering me so much and I cannot even think... My buddy has been so wonderful,I love him so mucn...he is always trying to find the positive in everything, and I do too, but cannot help thinking the worst and worrying about EVERYTHING...Please keep her in your prayers, she has another appointment on the 7th...and she is on medicine for the swelling and pressure of her brain...so hopefully that will get better so she can at least function....She went to the doctor on Tuesday and wanted to go to work on Wednesday and surgery on Thursday i took her to work but they sent her home...Which I told her they would....but the fact that she went as bad as she is doing and feeling says a lot for my sissy...




Thank you all for listening and for your support....It is so appreciated and thank you for praying for my sister...

cheers to new beginnings,
Irene

Change

Wow what a busy fun filled weekend....we had a blast with each other friends and concert, it was a lot of fun!! I didn't weigh when I said, but I did finally did today, and i was disappointed with myself, i have a 5lb gain since I last weighed, I weighed 210 and today the results....were 215,Sean baby was very supportive and even changed the scale from lbs to kgs so I would laugh about it, it was very funny, he always has a way to cheer me up, one way or another...i want to be small enough for him to carry when he is strong enough to do it, and so I really gotta get busy!! To my defense I did have an amazing weekend and did consume a lot of alcohol so therefore I am bloated and was probably not a perfect day to weigh in considering all that is wrong with me currently including a whole bottle of rum :-) I know, how stupid was that...but I don't get to drink very often and when I had the opportunity I indulged WAY to much!!!

So I plan to weigh again in a few days, for a more accurate reading, just not convinced this is true...so we will see, but either way its okay just time for a change!!


Got to get better on the move department and the eating more so I can raise my metabolism off the floor full charge ahead and gonna get this done....once and for all.



Thank you for all the comments and the inspiration and the faith you have in me, because of you I know I can do this and I am not giving this up, the time is now.....just watch the change in me....

Cheers to new beginnings.....
Irene

Understanding Me More And More

Hello,

WOW what a week work and meetings 55 hours in 4 days...so ready for my days off now!! Cannot believe I have made it through, I tell ya Thursday with no sleep got up at 2pm on Wednesday afternoon and went to work at 5:30 that night stayed there until 7am working and then got on a bus to Norman at 7:15 and going to Norman for a meeting and then casino hopping and Remington park anyway didn't get back home until 10:00 Thursday night, I thought I was going to die...But 27 in a half hours on the clock...pretty cool....

Tonight we are going out with friends and should be another fun night I am excited drinking, Texas hold em dinner out and spending time with friends, whats not to love....Then tomorrow Sean and I are going to a concert....just spending time together is sooo wonderful, doesn't matter what we do!

This week in the food category, i haven't done well at all...and I know Sean will say it is excuses, but really I have been to busy to eat, and I am not hungry...but I know if I would eat better it would get my metabolism up and I would loose weight faster, and I say it everyday, but here I am again with hardly any calories consumed and the day almost over....but I just don't feel if I'm not hungry, that I should eat, I m not afraid I m going to overeat, I don't eat enough and then I stock up on the caffeine, which causes the water weight and the bloating....which is what I seem to be going through right now, I know what to do, its just the doing it, that seems to get me every time...


The exercise department this week has been very good, i have ran my butt off, and go up and down the stairs at work on purpose...just to get some exercise in, but since I have been sick, it is harder to catch my breath and go up and down them stairs without getting out of breath and then coughing like I am dying....Hut overall it has been a great week and very productive, except, I haven't gotten a chance to weigh yet, but I am going in the morning and I will let you know...i just feel I haven't lost any, don't see or feel any different in my jean size or anything else so I have been dreading it, and I am pretty sure I am still not into the oneders....Which is really getting me a little discouraged...Just have to remember..


But sometimes that is easier said then done...ya know? Sometimes I feel the world is on my shoulders and so much pressure to get where I want to be once and for all.....STRESS can be a very made thing and I try not to let it control me....


Sean doesn't think I worry about anything...but quit the contrary...I worry about everything!!!
So I spend less time thinking about me...I need to make the focus on me more...my eating patterns and what is good and what is bad about them..... I cannot say I have never over eaten, but I can say I don't like to, and so I think I have tricked my brain into thinking I am never hungry, which in turn has lowered my metabolism, I was loosing weight every two weeks, and feeling it, now I'm not feeling it so i haven't weighed in, I just need to go weigh and get it out of the way, and see where I am so I can keep on going, its the not knowing that is killing me.....but its like my brain keeps saying.....



I just have to remember to eat and not say no to food all the time, sometimes I am so full from all the liquid I drink...A.K.A. caffeine, that I don't feel I have any room for the food....and that is the wrong approach, because I cannot have a fire in the wood burning stove, if I never put anything in there to fuel it...

Cannot live on grass alone right? So I have to stop saying No to food its not helping me lose weight by not eating....you have to eat to lose and I so know this, so why can't I just do that? Instead this is what my brain says...
.

Why can't I make it say......




So this next two weeks after I weigh tomorrow, I am really going to get with the program on eating better, and that is going to include eating at least three times a day without going over the 500 calories per meal and having a snack or two throughout the day.....Like Sean keeps telling me to do, and like I know I have to do, I have reached a hard struggle here my friends not a road block but a hurdle to get below where I haven't been since high school, mind you I don't know what I weigh right now, but I know I'm not below where I am trying to me as my first motivation and that was into the onders below two hundred...60lbs to go and I will be where I want to be, it doesn't seem like much to me, considering how far I have come....So I am going to get on those scales tomorrow and tell you whatever it is, hope I have maintained at least and no matter what I am going to tell myself.......


SOOOOOOO anyway...I will keep you posted....

Cheers to new beginnings,
Irene